Mean People – I Can’t Stand ‘Em

I have encountered some seriously mean people lately. I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt – maybe they are having a really bad day, maybe their dog died, maybe they are hormonal or have just received some bad news. But when I am in the crossfire of multiple mean people in a small time frame, my patience wears thin and eventually the hot-headed Irish woman is gonna get mean right back. It is unfortunate, and I try to contain it in a civil way – but today the ticked off Maggie let loose. I can only handle so much idiocy in my life.

Today I spent the afternoon at the car dealership getting the bumper-that-fell-off-while-driving-on-the-highway repaired. While I was there, I realized I needed an oil change and some regular maintenance, so the wait was longer than I had planned for. And I had both of the kiddos with me. No problem. We were actually having a lot of fun together reading books and talking in the waiting room while Liam every so often toddled around on his chunky little bare feet.

Following is the Tale of the Buttinsky….

The waiting room was immaculate. Probably cleaner than my house since I am pretty sure the dealer vacuums every day (more often than I vacuum, I confess). After about 10 minutes of sitting in the wait room with the kids, a woman sitting across from me huffed, slammed her book shut, and said this to me:

“I am sorry, I have been TRYING to hold my tongue but I just HAVE to say it. As a mother of 4 grown boys, I am a nurse, a HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL, and I CANNOT remain silent. So I’ll just say my piece and butt out of it since it is none of my business (then why are you speaking to me, I think). You MUST put some shoes on that child of yours. I cannot BELIEVE you are letting him walk around on this carpet without shoes. As a HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL I just cannot imagine what would possess you to do that! There are so many germs he could catch! There are germs everywhere – you just don’t even know. And he dropped his bottle and it almost hit the floor and he put it in his mouth! The GERMS he could have INGESTED! As a HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL I am appalled! Apalled! YOU have some thinking to do. I've said my piece.”

Are you freaking kidding me? This woman HAS to be nuts. People in the waiting room are shifting in their seats awkwardly, clearly wishing they were somewhere else.

“Well,” I replied with a warm smile for the crazy lady, “I am really sorry this is obviously making you uncomfortable! My personal theory is that it is ok for kids to be exposed to some germs as it does help them build up their immune systems – I promise I will not let him suck on his feet after walking around barefoot. He has no open sores on his feet that would allow germs easy access and, aside from that, I am comfortable with it. If he were crawling he would be on the floor and have his hands dirty. On top of that, our pediatrician encouraged us to have him barefoot as much as possible as a new walker – and that shoes are really not beneficial right now. So I am ok with it. But if it is really bothering you I will put his shoes on – though he will immediately remove them.” I smile.

“Oh no no no!” Says Buttinsky. “It is none of my business just wanted to let you know my PROFESSIONAL OPINION”.

At this point I am trying to decide whether to roll my eyes, follow her advice, or throw something at her big fat head. ☺

Instead, I just sort of smile dismissively and turn my attention back to the kids. Time ticks away……I think, "Is she right? Am I awful for letting him have barefeet in a clean, carpeted area? There is no motor oil – even the service bay is cleaner than my kitchen right now. Will he get sick? Do all these people think I am a bad mom? Well, where else besides home is he barefoot? He is barefoot at the doc’s office by their command and where could there be more germs than there? Oh for goodness sake why am I letting this bother me!!! Forget her! What a rude person. Why have I encountered so many nasty people lately? I am going to let it go. Letting it go. Gone.”

Buttinsky – having said not one word to me since her admonishment – got up from her chair and stepped out onto the lovely patio to sit in the sun on the lovely lawn furniture (this is quite a car dealership). At this point, the other patrons in the waiting area start to give me sympathetic looks and a few say things like “Can you BELIEVE that woman?” “How rude is she?!” and even a “Don’t worry sweetie, it is perfectly clear you are a great mommy! Your kids are terrific!” I tried not to make a big deal and just sort of nodded thanks and shrugged at the incomprehensible rudeness of Buttinsky. I turned my head to glance outside to see Miss HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL with a stream of smoke coming out of her nostrils from her incredibly healthy and germ free cigarette.

NO WAY. I start to seeth. I was ready to let this go. It was gone. And then this woman who invoked her experience as a mother and a HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL as a means of humiliating me in criticizing my parenting skills turns around and is doing the most unhealthy thing one can do. I actually don’t care that she smokes – it is a vice and that is tough. But people in glass houses should not throw stones. UNREAL!

I sat and stewed. Should I say something? She was clearly the kind of woman that passive-aggressively attacks people and gets away with it regularly without anyone calling her out. People are too surprised, probably, to form a fair retort. Or too polite. I was sick of having mean people pick on me and decided I was not gonna let this one slide. I would never see this woman again (famous last words – I will probably see her at the grocery store tomorrow, now) – time for some of her own medicine.

I waited for my chance. I wanted it to be as I left or as she left so there would not be a big drama. She got called to the cashier first. As she was leaving, I peeked around the corner and waved her over with a warm smile. Kate and Liam and his bare feet were in the waiting room reading a book together quietly. Buttinsky approached.

I said warmly, “Being an accomplished mother of four (she smiled knowingly at me, obviously expecting some sort of compliment or pat on the back or seeking of advice from me) I am SURE you know how INCREDIBLY hard being a mom is! (She nods in all-knowing-condescension) It is SUCH a tough job and there are days when you feel like you can barely get by (she nods her agreement with her years of experience radiating off her smug face). And THEN some COMPLETE and TOTAL stranger chooses to haughtily criticize your parenting skills without cause and in front of a roomful of other complete and total strangers. And well, that can pretty much just ruin a Mom’s day! So thanks for that.” (At this point she is MAD because someone actually called her out and she was ambushed and she rolls her eyes huffily and starts to leave, but somehow sticks around for my next installment) I say “And IN that criticism, you repeatedly invoke your extreme knowledge and experience as a nurse and HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL yet I find it SO difficult comprehending why you would be SO concerned about germs on a strangers baby’s feet, but in all your HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL WISDOM you then turn around and ingest toxic and deadly chemicals through a cigarette, while also exposing other people enjoying the sunshine on the patio to said deadly chemicals. As a MOTHER I am surprised you are more concerned with the virulent carpet lint versus second hand smoke.” Sincere-looking smile from me while looking her directly and squarely in the eyes.

She said nothing. I could tell she was searching for words….I waited patiently for them to come. There were none. She furiously flipped me the bird and stormed off, dropping her keys and her purse in her flustered fury.

I felt like I was shaking. I NEVER do that. Usually, It is the kind of thing where you leave and the rest of the day you think of brilliant comebacks that you WISH you had said when you actually had said nothing at all. Only this time I said them. She deserved it. And I did it out of love for every mom out there that this has happened to because it happens all the time! People can be really mean. If I was REALLY mean, though, I would have added to the woman “And by the way, it is close to 80 degrees and you are wearing a purple and gold turtleneck topped by a purple Vikings sweatshirt with purple wool dress pants. You look like Grimace – a suitable name – and you look ridiculous.” But I am not THATmean, just interested in justice! Tee hee

I cannot believe the gall of that woman to begin with!!! Maybe I should have let it go, I mean, we ARE all aware of the national ad campaigns educating the public about the dangers of one-year-olds not wearing shoes, yes?! You can picture them - “The Truth: your toddler has an increased chance of stubbing his toe or stepping on spilled cheerio dust in his bare feet than if he were properly shod.” Too bad such campaigns don’t exist out there to let us all know about the potential hazards of cigarettes to smokers and non-smokers alike. My sister brought up that excellent point. Hmmmmmm…….

Maybe I should have just let it go like I let a million other minor irritations go. She was not worth the time and energy I spent thinking about it, saying what I thought, and even reporting it to you. But gosh it felt GOOD.