Oh Deer

Do you know that in Minnesota it is the general norm for many men to take one full week of their annual allotted two week's vacation time and go travel north wearing camoflauge and hunting orange to go sit in a box on stilts or crouch in bushes for a week straight with their buddies while they wait for a doe or buck to frolic by to get their year's worth of venison?

I personally don't have anything against hunting. Man has been hunting forever and we exist today because of it (I will probably get some PETA flag now and get emails explaining that humans were actually more gatherers than hunters and the human body can exist on soy alone and deer have feelings too.) NO offense to vegetarians and vegans of the world...kudos to you, in fact, for that kind of discipline! But I just really don't care if there is hunting season....hunting is fine by me.

But I am annoyed by it - from the human perspective, not the deer's perspective. Here's my beef - or venison - - - FIRST of all, my contractor just did not show up for a week. Did not tell me so. Just bailed. Why? Because he was sitting in a tree waiting to get a 6 pointer. That is really annoying. For God's sake CALL me and tell me you are going on vacay. After a week of no shows and cell phone tag (he only got random service up north) I finally spoke to him and just called him on being hunting all week. At least he did not lie. I cannot believe how this state literally shuts down. You know it is deer opener when you go to Menards on a Saturday to buy stuff for a remodel and the parking lot is completely empty. I went to the lumber place with one of the guys last week for one hour and his blackberry kept going off....it was his hunting buddies who were texting their kills to him. He would exclaim "GEEZ that 8 pointer should have been MINE!!!! I should be THERE!!!! I found that clearing!!!!!!" At one point I actually said to him, "Um, excuse me, I am RIGHT HERE. Let's just get this done and you can get back to shooting, ok?"

SECOND, with literally 650,000 registered hunters (estimates say 500,000 go hunting during the opener) is there anyone left that is NOT hunting (other than Nick?). It is not like Minnesota is a hugley populous state. I was literally invited to three different "hunting widows" parties last week. I guess I just need a bit more time to acclimate to this. I mean - I can see the appeal of it! I do not view it with distaste or look down on it. I just don't understand it enough I guess. I can certainly see going once and it being very cool hanging out in nature....Minnesota is stunningly beautiful and after our trip north this summer I could easily see passing a whole day sitting and enjoying the scenery and peace (interrupted by occassional gunfire), watching the animals and feeling the anticipation - though personally I could not shoot one. Too pretty! But I would also fear for my life....

With half a million people with guns and bows hiding in the bushes and trees in the dusky light I just don't think I would feel very safe, even if I had a blinding orange hat on. I am too much of a control freak to trust others not to be stupid and accidentally shoot me. Literally every day since opener there is a story on the news about someone getting shot and/or killed while hunting. One guy decided to walk across a field without wearing his orange vest, dressed in cammo, holding a life size deer decoy. One guy aimed for a deer, missed, and the bullet hit his brother in the leg right across the glade from him. If hundreds of thousands of people are tucked here, there and everywhere, might a stray bullet hurt? Do they only give licenses to sure shots?

Admittedly, I don't know a lot about it. I looked it up and it actually seems pretty complicated to get a permit and you can only "bag" so many depending on where and how you hunt etc. It is well regulated and all that. I am just annoyed by the hoopla and the fact that people seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to be working for someone and then leave with no notice to go off ANYWHERE for a week. I am sure that many hunters follow the proper channels and ask for time off or give a heads up....but not all, as I can attest.

I just think of being at my job, leaving Friday, smiling when people say "See you next week!" but not really acknowledging them. Then I just hop a flight to New York City and spend a week seeing broadway shows, going to museums, shopping and eating amazing food and going to spas with my girlfriends all while cleverly evading direct phone contact with my job. That would be MY ideal bonding week. How would that go over with the boss? I guess the deer hunters would not understand the broadway baby as much as the broadway baby misunderstands the deer hunters. Oh well. Oh deer.